I’m writing this letter to my future self, specifically for when I’m in those moments where I listen to intrusive thoughts and start doubting God’s vision for my life.
I was reading Ephesians chapter 5 and one particular verse stood out to me….”but instead speak of your thankfulness to God”. This statement spoke directly to my heart.
I feel like it was calling me out on what I’ve been saying I’m going to do, but not actually doing it. I’m sure you can relate lol.
For quick context, I work as a systems consultant on this big project and earlier in the day, I was preparing for a big big meeting that involved multiple parties such as; our CEO, Project manager, Principle consultant, and on the client’s side, the CEO and their Project Team. The meeting was to discuss the statement of work my team had put together, and the phased implementation approach we were taking seeing as they’re a big company and there are some custom products we’re developing that needed go through testing and quality assurance before rolling it as finished products into they’re system.
As you can tell, this meeting required a lot of delicacy, tact, patience, persuasion and intelligence to speak to all the elements..
Couple minutes before the meeting, I prayed so fervently to God to make it so that the meeting would go smoothly, and that I wouldn’t need to speak or say anything (since the project lead was on that call). But even if I were to speak, I would sound smart and confident in order to answer the questions, especially the ones that blind side you. Can you relate or is it just me lol?
20min into the call, you could feel everyone’s tension rising as we were getting grilled by the client.
It seemed like the client wasn’t seeing the value of the phased approach and it was starting to look like we were overcharging the client. Yikes!
But God! As He would have it, somehow the call came to a smooth close with both sides getting what they wanted.
And I didnt have to utter a word, all I had to do was smile and look pretty aha!
After the call, I felt a big load lifted off my chest, seeing as the team really came through in putting a positive spin on the conversation with the client.
However, there was the intrusive thought that came and said, “…but you didnt contribute though, you dont deserve the thank you team that the CEO said because you didnt contribute, you’re not on their level”…along those lines.
And I believed it for a second and then it took me into a spiral of “you’re not good enough, people dont see your value, what are you even good at etc etc”…
But God! I was on a fast that day and it was now time to break the fast, so I started singing some praise, worship and ministering to myself until my inner man awoke. (Kinda like what Jehoshaphat did in 2 Chronicles 20, where he reminded himself of the Lord’s faithfulness in his life). Then the Holy Spirit started ministering to me, reminding me that I am valued at work, in my church and among my community. That He is taking me somewhere in this life and all these opportunities and the skills I’ve learned at whichever level I’m at, will be useful for where he’s taking me!
And then I stumbled across Ephians 5:4 and landed on that verse.
Closing Remarks: Pay no mind to rehearsing spirits. Test every spirit and stay planted in the word. 1 Thessalonians 5:19-22
I asked the lord to make the meeting go smoothly and make it so that I didn’t have to speak to defend anything and He did exactly that. Praise be to Him!
